Act 13 : Aiishiteru no tobira (Door of love) (+_+)

I will reach my hand to you whenever you needed them, I will lend you my shoulder unconditionally when you want a cry on. I will shower you with tenderness, I will walks to the ends of the world with you side by side by mutual understanding, I will create magic from my power called love to make you feel cherished. These are the vows I made in my heart the moment I fell in love for you.

So whatever you may have seen or encountered, Please don’t give up on me, believe in me, cry for me and most importantly call for me. And together, nothing is impossible, we shall break against all odds in life and merge as one and fight towards the uncertain future to gain that one important thing – Happiness. It doesn’t falls down from the skies, it doesn’t came to you by begging, it can’t be bought, it can’t be stolen. It can only be gained by fighting.

I am not sure how many crossroads I have crossed in my life, but I am certain that until the day I have met you, and from that instant moment on, my life has been moving on a straight line and I’m always behind you- the dot that always moving. I have tried running, sprinting, dashing and rest when I’m tired, and the moment I noticed you have gained pace, sometimes I fall down and you held me up, sometimes I give up and u gave me hope, I strive on, giving my all to closen our gaps.

This road is not the road that I choose, I was unaware that I was on this 1 lined road until recently that I saw nothing ahead but you. a road that you are in it, occasionally you turned your face to me and smiled its like taunting me to buck up and hold down my determination and pursue, and for that smile that I want to see again, I shall cast away my uncertainty, my weakness, my incompetency, my dreams, my hopes, my future, my everything to get hold of you.

The day I outrun you and hold you in my arms is the day I shall have enough courage, enough determination, enough passion, enough…….love to let you know “ I liked you ever since we met on a crossroad in our life”
I have encountered storms, challenges, happiness, sadness, while I’m on the pursue, however with me still moving towards you relentlessly proves the testaments of time that I have never give up on you. Of course yet I have made no effort and courage to reach the finishing line. Therefore we are always running ahead, sometimes slow, sometimes fast, sometimes caught into slumber and we console each other whichever is low, but we move on, on this marathon of life where I’m afraid I might be known to truth that I have been disqualified from the beginning because there is someone running ahead of you that you are pursuing, the day when the pursued has become the pursuer is the day I will never acknowledged.

Act 12 : Despair

Downpour for a few days negates my repulsiveness, cools my head and body. I wish weather would stay remained like this for the rest of my life. Raining is always being used to compare and represents sadness, solitude and bad things.

However, for an isolated person like me, a cast away of the human society, I felt happy. No sadness for I have never met happiness, no victory for I have no companion to share and rejoice and no expressions on my face for I have locked my heart with a thousand emotional locks and have cast away the keys to the depths of ocean called loneliness ever since I ever recalled. The path of lights is dimly fading, darkness has always been a friend on the road of my life.

Everyday, wandering around wondering, gasping breaths and trying to reach above towards the fading light, hoping for salvation of my soul, hands wide open prying and feeling around in the darkness, nothing seen, nothing heard, nothing felt, nothing tasted, nothing smelled. Plain blank pitch dark, and it calms me down, I have gotten used to this loneliness that its getting harder for me to accept someone, anyone for when they are gone, the light is switched off and I will be thrown into the darkness of despair once again, yet again………….

No ends is seen and therefore no beginnings, my life has always been a piece of shit, nothing worth seeing, nothing worth mentioning, if it hasn’t been the day few years back that I was given a false hope, I wouldn’t have gone so low to feel these fake emotions. The false hopes the dried up my ocean of loneliness and the fake hand gesture reaching for me and unlocked my cold dry heart while the other hand warms it up with magic’s called caring, love, sharing. But the things given to me doesn’t last.

They fade away, they disappear along with your shadow, a mark etched on the corner of my heart, an injury that will never mend, the magic that was given earlier turned bad into deceit, lies, disgust and made into hatred. Unlimited amount of hate fills my lungs while I vomit with flames called destruction, the hateness due to the hopes that ends up to turn up into despair.

After hate had subsided, ocean of loneliness fills up again, and once again the heart is locked with an even stronger lock. And life goes on wit nothing to look forward to.

Such unprecedented abominations shall be crucified to wear down their soul, breaking their hopes and crush their dreams and left out on the gorge of death, letting the deathgod to smite the finishing blow to their lives and their corpse rotten away into the sands of time.