Act 12 : Despair

Downpour for a few days negates my repulsiveness, cools my head and body. I wish weather would stay remained like this for the rest of my life. Raining is always being used to compare and represents sadness, solitude and bad things.

However, for an isolated person like me, a cast away of the human society, I felt happy. No sadness for I have never met happiness, no victory for I have no companion to share and rejoice and no expressions on my face for I have locked my heart with a thousand emotional locks and have cast away the keys to the depths of ocean called loneliness ever since I ever recalled. The path of lights is dimly fading, darkness has always been a friend on the road of my life.

Everyday, wandering around wondering, gasping breaths and trying to reach above towards the fading light, hoping for salvation of my soul, hands wide open prying and feeling around in the darkness, nothing seen, nothing heard, nothing felt, nothing tasted, nothing smelled. Plain blank pitch dark, and it calms me down, I have gotten used to this loneliness that its getting harder for me to accept someone, anyone for when they are gone, the light is switched off and I will be thrown into the darkness of despair once again, yet again………….

No ends is seen and therefore no beginnings, my life has always been a piece of shit, nothing worth seeing, nothing worth mentioning, if it hasn’t been the day few years back that I was given a false hope, I wouldn’t have gone so low to feel these fake emotions. The false hopes the dried up my ocean of loneliness and the fake hand gesture reaching for me and unlocked my cold dry heart while the other hand warms it up with magic’s called caring, love, sharing. But the things given to me doesn’t last.

They fade away, they disappear along with your shadow, a mark etched on the corner of my heart, an injury that will never mend, the magic that was given earlier turned bad into deceit, lies, disgust and made into hatred. Unlimited amount of hate fills my lungs while I vomit with flames called destruction, the hateness due to the hopes that ends up to turn up into despair.

After hate had subsided, ocean of loneliness fills up again, and once again the heart is locked with an even stronger lock. And life goes on wit nothing to look forward to.

Such unprecedented abominations shall be crucified to wear down their soul, breaking their hopes and crush their dreams and left out on the gorge of death, letting the deathgod to smite the finishing blow to their lives and their corpse rotten away into the sands of time.